Failing, badly.

I never even think that I am smart. For me, I’m a dumb fool that know nothing when it come to study. In my primary school, I NEVER did my homework properly. I never hafal all those sifir pun. But when it comes to exam, I exceed others. I got 5 A's in UPSR, I got 7 A's in PMR and 11 A's in SPM. smart huh? I don't know, maybe god want to help me, rezeki. I’m glad that I always got great result in my exams.

With great result come great opportunity, I succeeded the Petronas interview, they offer me the scholarship as the petroleum engineer student in UTP. And I got the offer by UIA as an engineer student. Then MARA offers me to be a medical student, which will be flying to UK (supposedly). So these are few of the offers I got. So yeah, as a student at that time, I felt really comfortable. Felt like I’m at top of the world, beating all other students with all the offers I got.

So I choose MARA, of course la because of the opportunity to go overseas. But I have to pass the A-level first. But wth, should be easy, it just math, bio, chem and physic. But honestly speaking, it is easy. but for some fuckingly-stupid reason, I failed it, badly. And from there, the 'interesting story started'.

Failing A-level is not like failing any ordinary exam. Failing A-level is much worse than u think, u just wasted 2 years for nothing. Your straight A's Spm results mean nothing as SPM is only valid for 2 years (sigh). And u got almost nowhere to go. Most of the IPTA won’t accept A-levels result. So the only choice u got are the IPTS. Best huh? (Clashing, gf cheating, fighting, disappointed mother are also included in this package)

The best part is, I’m the first one that got the placement at UK for the UK students. Failing A-level not only cause me to lose that placement, but also the India one. I got the chance to go to Egypt, but I refuse, because my mom had to pay rm18,000 for the first year, because MARA will only sponsor after I finish the first year.

So basically, that’s why I am here, in MSU. For certain reasons, I’m glad I’m here. But the failing continues. I got BAD result in my first semester (I just got it). But I expected it. My first semester is filled with troubles, tears, hatred etc. then just now, I heard rumors saying that after I finished my BMS (Bachelor in medical science), I have to start from the first year if I want to continue my study as a MBBS student. I’m fucked up am I. like I said, I’m failing, badly. I got many chances, but I ruined it. So now, I don’t really know what will be my next move. I just hope that whatever it is, it will be the right one.

*again sorry for my bad grammar, im not good at it.